“I wished my parents have pushed me harder,” H said.
I look up from my drink and searched her eyes. Protected by half-rimmed glasses, her eyes always glimmered of passion, idealism and naivety that softens her direct personality—it is that quality that endears her to me.
“Have your parents been to university?” I asked.
“No,” she shrugged, matter-of-factly.
“Mine neither,” I offered. A fact that I’ve been proud of for most of my life, but it has had its drawbacks.
“To be honest, I was jealous of some of our peers who move faster than us, because their parents have been there, and they know which direction to drive their child to,” I continued, “They know which careers make the most money, so they encourage their children to go there.”
“Exactly,” she exclaimed, “I really liked Amy Chua’s parenting style, her kids are more successful at a younger age, and they’ve seen the world…”
I wrinkled my nose at that name. I respect that woman in knowing how to promote her book optimally even before it hit the market, and her parenting principles ring true for a majority of Asian parents, but I don’t necessarily agree. I don’t know about these kids who move too far ahead of everyone else.
Throughout the rest of dinner, H and I continued to debate over two parenting styels: controlling parenting vs. do-whatever-you-want-we’ll-support-you parenting
The reason why I said ‘was jealous’ is because these kids who I know… they lacked passion. Being so used to having someone to guide their way, they lack the own will to find out, and sooner or later they’d probably snap. We all know the story of the self-destructive child star, the depressed prodigy.
Also children have a tendency to rebel at some point—it’s just in all of us. When I say ‘rebel’, it could also mean ‘seeing a quality in your parent that you would not like to have, so you resolve not to end up that way’. Disney cartoons sure encouraged teenage rebellion, for that matter.
It’s good to push your children, but only in something you know they are driven in. With that in mind, you can’t put drive into a person, into any person. It’s up to that person alone to discover what it is.
A day later, I told H that we’ve actually been fortunate to have parents who stepped back, and let us have a chance to find out what works best for ourselves. Guidance can only take you so far, but what you truly want will take you furthest.
This is way overdue. The idea came to me in Singapore as I was talking to Shu about stereotypes.
It was then when I consciously registered how similar it is to what I’ve learnt about writing from my previous Media and Communications course!
Effective design is like effective writing; the aim is to be concise and yet elegantly striking. If it’s better, it should be able to stir up or summon emotions.
And these few days, as I am focusing on my assignments, I realized how suffocating it is, to have many variations of the same design, and never being able to decide on a best one.
It can become engrossedly overwhelming. I start thinking ‘is this the best angle?
‘Is this design accessible to my target audience?’
‘Is my design suited for what the target audience would like to see?’
Then I hit the point ‘ARGHH I don’t know what I’m drawing anymore!’
And then my housemate (who was a graphic design major) told me that I should calm down, and return to the piece of work after a while.
And it hits me again, that this is exactly like writing!
Back in the day when I did journalism pieces. the general advice and idea was this: when you are writing an article and it feels like you may have too many words, or when you have articulated too many points, and you don’t know how to cut down for the word limit…this is when you should take a break from your article for a few days.
When you return later (give it 2 or 3 days), you would be more objective in evaluating your piece anew, and all the answers to those beckoning questions would become more clearer.
I just need to do that with my designs for now.
My boyfriend was telling me that he recently spoke to a cab driver of Pakistani descent, and he was impressed that the driver had no accent.
He asked, “How long have you been here?”
Cab driver says, “Why? Is it because I don’t have an accent huh?”
When boyfriend relates this story to me later on, I said, “What is it with Australians and being so particular about accents?”
He misinterpreted my question, and said, “That’s because we can actually tell the difference. Unlike for you, it all sounds the same.”
That really, really drove me mad.
Obviously, everyone can tell how different accents are, but it’s rudely obvious to point it out, like many situations I’ve been in. It’s like pointing out to a person that they have a lisp, or lack an eye.
Assuming and considering that we’re talking about first impressions and meeting for the first time; you don’t ask that person “How long have you had your lisp for”, or worse, “Why don’t you have your eye?”
Seriously, I am used to being asked where I am from, which is fair enough. But I do get quite irritated when they stereotype your accent, and pointing it out, which they then proceed to weigh whether or not you sound like what they think you’re supposed to sound like.
Don't get me wrong, for every ignorant Australian I've met, there's another wonderfully understanding one around the corner. It's just, sometimes it can get quite weary when you're stuck in another situation with the ignorant one, where you can tell how the story is going to play out. Again.
Australians have one of the most distinctive accents in the world. During my college years in Malaysia, we had listening tests with Australian native speakers. For some of us who had have a sufficient dose of Crocodile Hunter, it wasn’t that hard. But for most, it definitely was a trippy experience.
So you can see how I didn’t like the way my boyfriend labeled other unAustralian accents as ‘accents’, forgetting how much his stuck out like a sore thumb when he was holidaying in Malaysia.
Maybe it’s a cultural or polite personal preference that some people, like me, do not like to point out a person’s accent when it sounds different. Most times, I think it has a lot to do with the tone that comes across, instead of the phrasing.
I’ve met a sensational lady once at a multicultural radio conference. Her show was an award-winning one, despite her European background. Now, in an Australian context where most media outlets favour broadcasters with a really thick Australian accent, her story was most inspiring for us. She told me of her annoyance at some Australians whom she had spoke to for her radio interviews, and how patronizing they acted to her accent, when they couldn’t understand it.
She recounted how one man retorted arrogantly, “Oh!! Is that what you said?!”
Another thing I can’t comprehend, is when people go ‘Oh. You speak very good English.’
You can’t expect most people to feel flattered by that, because that’s practically saying, “Oh. You box very well. For a girl.”
Seriously, people can be so painfully ignorant sometimes, they don’t even know it.
Which is why it always escapes them—that little pause in my facial expression (while I clench my teeth or suppress a sigh), before I politely say “Thank you. [I wish I could say the same about your Mandarin.]”
A friend’s mother was very unhappy to hear that ‘compliment’, having been a permanent resident in the country. She fired out, “Why of course, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was better than yours!”
My housemate was in a tram once, and an Asian tourist came on and obviously looked lost. My housemate kindly directed her to her destination, but language and culture barriers were in place, so the tourist got off confused still (mostly due to tourist’s own stubbornness in following given directions) and without a word of thanks.
All the while, there was a white woman with a baby in the tram, next to my housemate, who observed the entire procession of things. Her baby was behaving extremely friendly and googly-eyed towards my housemate (she has a pretty face). After the tourist left, my house mate sighed, ‘She [tourist] is so lost.’
To which lady with the baby replied dismissively, "Oh. Your people."
Housemate goes, ‘I’m sorry?”
Lady with baby looked slightly embarrassed and muttered “Nothing”.
My housemate was shocked. She told me later that it was more because “the baby obviously was blind to ‘colour differences’ in people, wanting to play with me, while the mother was less than that.”
Sue-Anne suggested to me yesterday that I should look into offering personal styling services. I don’t know if that’ll actually happen this year, but I do know that I’ve been hooked onto Etsy lately.
There is just so much there that is fascinating and wonderful, excluding the wonderfully overpriced. If I could have a system that channels and recommends the products that I love, that would be pretty awesome, even for the sellers themselves.
Seriously, our generation is so skeptical about mass production especially when it comes to apparel and even greeting cards, and don’t forget, every woman likes to be reminded how special she is by possessing a unique piece of accessory. Handmade items from overseas sold online might just be the affirmation to our musings about individual existence. Or at least, they should suffice to distract us from worrying about never finding an answer!
Some sellers take too much pride in their products and price them ridiculously. But if you dig hard enough, it’s pretty easy to find gems like these:
I am sure you have seen couples on lawns in broad daylight, looking like they are about to hump each other, and since Facebook, there are now a number posts on walls expressing love. Public displays of affection in modern society are all about and all around us everyday! While some people think it’s sweet, some others think a lot about the 'indecency' and appropriateness of this non-discretion.
I have been meaning to do a post about inappropriate public displays of affection, weighing out the good and mostly the bad (for arguments’ sake, let’s just assume that we all know what is appropriate and what is not appropriate PDA at the moment). So I ran up a Google search about what has been written it, right?
Found a guy who writes about the subject pretty well, in my opinion, but I got stumped when he said that people who do not like to see PDA are the ones who are jealous, because they secretly want it, but can’t have it.
So for one day, I thought about how right he was, as I pondered about whether I was being unreasonable. Was I just jealous, deep down inside?
And then today I remembered. I remembered the jealous backdoor excuse. This he/she’s just jealous excuse has bound to cross everyone’s mind at least in one stage in his/her life, especially when you are dealing with another who seems to misunderstand (or go against) you as a persona. This act of labeling someone else as jealous of your happiness is really in fact a very escapist and self-ego inflating thought.
Case A: A few years ago, I had a friend in the group who always made fun of nearly everything I said to other people, when I never really was close to her in the first place. At first I thought ‘maybe she’s just expressing her spite at me, because she’s jealous of my achievements with grades and ability to make witty catchy jokes’.
Sometime later I told some of my friends that I have been upset as a result, and they told her to consider that. So she confronted me, and I realized how apologetic she was. She was merely trying to make friends with me, as that was how she did it--she would literally tease people most of the time--she didn’t realize that I was not used to that particular style of communication. She and I have been good friends since, and I have adapted to that style of conversationing.
Case B: And then I have this other friend whose parent was not happy with her not achieving anything in life. She stayed at home, mostly investing in small shares in minor companies, when she should have had a full time career, at her age. This friend shared with me her thoughts, she thought her parent was merely jealous at her good life, for her parent had to work hard at her age.
This can’t be right. Afterall, parents do ultimately consider the best for you, if they care enough.
Example C: One thing that comes to mind is old man-hot young woman pairings. I bet they assign the dirty looks they get everyday as everyone else is just jealous! Truth is, people do also think a lot along the lines of gold digger, yuck how do you sleep with your grandfather, and eyesore.
Case D: Another friend had some archenemy in school who hated her guts for no apparent reason. This archenemy would simply bastardise my friend behind her back to other people, trying to build up a bad reputation for her, when in reality, they have rarely ever spoken to each other, even as friends.
At first, we simply shrugged it off as ‘maybe archenemy’s jealous of my friend’s natural ability to make other people like her’. Truth is, due to lack of touch and better curiousity, we never found out the entire story.
Anyway, my point is, see how easy and lazy it is to boost your own ego by assuring yourself that the other person is merely jealous, and possibly crazy?
I mean, there’s nothing wrong with displaying your affection to your beloved in public, in front of other people. All I’m saying is that, sometimes you need to be considerate of other people’s feelings, especially the ones that you care about, no matter how expressive a person you are! For example, it is okay to kiss and hug in a mall, on the streets; it is okay to even get the dirty in an abandoned alleyway; just please do not put a finger up your beloved ass in a supermarket, or coo at and caress each other at a table full of single friends.
There is a line between being expressive and being inconsiderate.
Now some could say those single friends just need to man up and go get laid, but I think that’s an awful thing to say. What if your friend is just waiting for the right one or right time? A lot of people (I know I did) have to spend a long time to find the right one, because in reality, the right fit does not come along at the right time. Life is full of uncertainty! Parents and movies would teach you that there’s plenty of fish in the sea, but what if you just like salmon? You can fish everyday but maybe 1 out of 100 days, you catch one salmon? Assuming that you are not in a salmon habitat, that is, assuming that you are in an area where the fish species are vast and catch is really random.
You could also argue that I am just jealous because I do not get enough PDA, which is little true, but mostly untrue.
My partner and I have come across as pretty frigid and separate entities when with our friends. I have been told about the impressions we get as a result. While one guy thought we look as though we have just had a fight, but most people just found it comfortable to hang out with the both of us.
But we do hold hands and I get a piggyback ride often when we think no one else is watching. We are just the type of people who have found it really uncomfortable to see over-the-top PDA, and we really don’t like to subject it to our watching friends. Call us shy or old-fashioned.
Now I know that everyone has different preferences, but I think that it does not hurt to be considerate of others around you sometimes, especially if they are your close friends. Inappropriate PDA is just like smoking in a friend's bedroom or drinking alcohol in front of religious friends. Sometimes it’s just nice to be courteous and thoughtful.
Precious Movie Teaser Poster by Ignition Print (2009)
Similarities to Rape Line by Lanny Sommese (1987)
In the movie Precious, the main character is a victim of incest and family abuse. The intrusion of a foreign hand into a woman’s body, fracturing her as a whole is a strong image by itself, especially contrasted against a dynamic/lighter background colour. The whole concept is simple and yet profound.
Sommese is a globally renowned poster designer and a professor at the University of Pennsylvania. See http://www.idsgn.org/posts/design-discussions-aiga-fellow-lanny-sommese/
Similarities to Anatomy of a Murder by Saul Bass (1959)
Saul Bass’s design for Anatomy of a Murder was a groundbreaker in the 1960s, known as his best work for film poster design. The simple employment of a fractured silhouette, against a hot coloured background—perhaps to represent blood seeping everywhere—damage fills up the negative space. Precious’ employs a similar idea of negative space with warm colour.
Some might argue that the typography used for the word ‘Precious’ resembles Bass’s playful style. Bass is a legend in logo and movie poster design.
See:
http://kissmyblackads.blogspot.com/2009/05/precious-movie-teaser-poster.html
